Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
