dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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