You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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