so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
