What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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