btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
