first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
