are you so shy because you have an std?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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