dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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