oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
