I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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