I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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