Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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