when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fuck appropriateness.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
