When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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