I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
