Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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