Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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