Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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