you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ladies don't puke and tell
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
