i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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