the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
