Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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