You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize