i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
