after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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