How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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