I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
