I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
