I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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