just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
