so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
