He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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