im drinking this country out of the recession.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
