Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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