Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
