guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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