i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
