Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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