I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
