Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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