Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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