Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
