my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
