My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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