East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
