My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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