you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize