On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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