Non-Jews are for practice
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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