i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
