Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize