His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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