God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
