office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize