It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
