He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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