Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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