anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
