hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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