"it" just moved
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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