He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
