so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
