Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
