i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone came in the potted fern
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
