I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
