I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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