I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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