Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
