I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
