I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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